I've been thinking about this topic pretty much since I got to Azerbaijan. Perhaps not the first couple of weeks, I'm not sure I thought at all during the first two weeks.
I was laying in bed this morning, listening to the sounds outside and thought about how it sounds pretty much like Seattle. The drone of cars in the distance, horns, birds and the wind. The hum of conversations that you can't quite hear but provide comfort that you're not alone. The sound of footsteps, kitchen noises, the running of the washing machine. There is a comfort in the familiar sounds and then you realize that normally you don't hear so many rooster, chicken, duck sounds or the occasional moo. Also if you try to hone in on a conversation, you realize that for the most part you have no idea what is being said and even if you did, you have no context or familiarity in which to truly understand the conversation. It is then you realize that while you are part of landscape you are on the periphery in a slightly different world of your own making. It is then when I realize how much I live in my head.
Please don't misunderstand, I am present in my life, it is just that my life has such a transitory quality to it. When I committed to this journey, I realized that it was for two years. Two years is such a short time and once you get into it, it becomes even shorter. I am already three months in and I have so much to learn. I understand that my integration into the community will only be partial. I can physically navigate and my Azerbaijan is good enough to get my needs met, but I communicate on such a basic level. Complex thoughts are difficult if not impossible to express unless the person you are talking to has a command of English and with the cultural differences on top of the communication issues it can be mind boggling. So I turn inside my head and hold the conversations with myself.
I'm writing this in part to share and in part to remember. I am truly blessed to be on this journey and am curious how it will unfold.
I can see how that would be difficult. It's one thing to visit and not understand, and another thing to live all together. We take for granted ease of interaction and cultural similarities... and the ability to share thoughts and feelings.
ReplyDeleteHi - I hope you're not lonely. Even with people around it can feel lonely. We are all curious to see how this turns out as well and we are thankful you are sharing this with us.
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