End of Life Observance

Last week an aunt of my host family passed away.  I am going to try to describe the mourning observations, as I understand them. 

On they day of death, the body is buried according to tradition.  Azerbaijan is a secular Muslim country and the vast majority of population are members of the Muslim faith.

The mourning period is forty days.  Days of particular importance are the 3rd, 7th and 40th days, along with four Thursdays during the mourning period.  On those days people pay their respects to the family and pray for the soul of the deceased.  I was invited to attend the 7th day observation.  The observation was held in a community hall that had five rows of tables.  Each row sat 60 - 100 people.  Approximately 600 people attended and were served dinner. Not all families' observations include dinner.  Some may only serve tea and sweets.

The dinner was prepared and hosted by family members.  The meal was served in two sittings. The first sitting was for men. An Imam spoke at the beginning of the meal.  He spoke of the deceased, read from the Quran and lead a prayer. The meal consisted of plates of the following; greens and cheese, cucumber, tomatoes and red basil, dogva  (hot or cold yogurt drink with herbs), potatoes and meat, two types of bread, tea and sweets, and helva, a traditional sweet from my family's region. Serving dishes are replaced as needed.  Helva is butter, sugar, a little flour and water. It is a little grainy but has a nutty/caramel taste.   

At the end of each sitting, the Imam gave a prayer, signaling that the guests were free to leave.  The men's sitting filled  about half the seats.  While the men ate, the women were in a different space, mourning the deceased. The women's sitting filled the space.  In between the two sittings, the tables were cleared and reset.  The serving dishes were also cleaned and replenished. As people left, they contribute money to the family.  Each contribution is recorded. People who come after one of the main sittings have started/ended are sat and settings are provided to them. The family members eat after the two primary sittings, getting up as need to meet their guest needs.

There was also lots of cold water, which was greatly appreciated by all.  It was in the low to mid 90's today and no breeze to speak of.  Some women carry fans to keep cool.  The rest of us dabbed our faces with napkins. I believe that a fan is an upcoming purchase.

The event was a lot of work and a wonderful experience.  It is marvelous to see how the family members work together to make sure that each guest is greeted and made to feel welcome. Also it is a special event to remember the deceased and pray for their soul.